Student Draft: Making Water Easier to Carry

Our school installed two drinking-water refill stations beside the gym in April. Before that, students carrying empty bottles often walked to the main building for water. During sports practice, this trip interrupted activities. The new stations allow students to refill nearby. This report considers what the first month of records tells us and what we still need to find out.

Students can bring a bottle from home and refill it at either station. [__A__] A small brush is kept in each changing room for this purpose. Students should also keep the lid with the bottle so that the drinking water stays covered. The stations themselves are cleaned by school staff at the end of each day. That cleaning does not replace the care students must take with their own bottles.

The cafeteria recorded 240 purchases of bottled water in March and 180 in April. Both months had twenty school days, and the record covers purchases at the cafeteria only. The draft currently says, "The refill stations made every student stop buying bottled water." However, students could still buy drinks outside school, and the records do not show which individual students bought each bottle.

A short questionnaire collected comments from forty students who had used the stations. Thirty-two said that the new location was convenient. Eight said that they sometimes had to wait after practice. The questionnaire did not include students who had never used the stations. Therefore, their reasons for not using them remain unknown. The council plans to ask that group separately before deciding whether more stations are needed.

Teacher Feedback

Add a sentence at [__A__] that makes "this purpose" clear. Replace the claim "The refill stations made every student stop buying bottled water." with a statement limited to what the purchase records show. In your conclusion, include both the observed benefit and the need for further information. Avoid promising that a new station would solve every problem.

Student Draft: Making Water Easier to Carry

Our school installed two drinking-water refill stations beside the gym in April. Before that, students carrying empty bottles often walked to the main building for water. During sports practice, this trip interrupted activities. The new stations allow students to refill nearby. This report considers what the first month of records tells us and what we still need to find out.

Students can bring a bottle from home and refill it at either station. [__A__] A small brush is kept in each changing room for this purpose. Students should also keep the lid with the bottle so that the drinking water stays covered. The stations themselves are cleaned by school staff at the end of each day. That cleaning does not replace the care students must take with their own bottles.

The cafeteria recorded 240 purchases of bottled water in March and 180 in April. Both months had twenty school days, and the record covers purchases at the cafeteria only. The draft currently says, "The refill stations made every student stop buying bottled water." However, students could still buy drinks outside school, and the records do not show which individual students bought each bottle.

A short questionnaire collected comments from forty students who had used the stations. Thirty-two said that the new location was convenient. Eight said that they sometimes had to wait after practice. The questionnaire did not include students who had never used the stations. Therefore, their reasons for not using them remain unknown. The council plans to ask that group separately before deciding whether more stations are needed.

Teacher Feedback

Add a sentence at [__A__] that makes "this purpose" clear. Replace the claim "The refill stations made every student stop buying bottled water." with a statement limited to what the purchase records show. In your conclusion, include both the observed benefit and the need for further information. Avoid promising that a new station would solve every problem.